I don’t care what 48 Laws of Power says, and I am not interested in being an alpha. All that’s important, in a social setting, at a job, in a friend group, among any collective function or unit, is being likeable. I have my faults, and I must preface that I have no professional background in how brains work or whatever, but who cares about that - we care about results and getting stuff done here.
The best compliment I ever got was from a manager I had at one of my first jobs. He told me that I was approachable, and I didn’t realize what he meant at first. It took me a while to realize it was just because I smiled at people and had a genuine interest in helping them out. I was me unapologetically. Not in some lib way, but in a way where I like making people apart of my life. Unfortunately, most people have a filter of insecurity or judgement that keeps them from truly enjoying the company of others. As a cashier, I was eager to share in the delight or empathize in the dismay of a customer or coworker. I guess it makes sense that when I took that Jungian OCEAN test, I got high on every trait except neuroticism, which was still moderate. My interest in being nice has been mistaken as naivety, and I have had to work on that, but all in all the only reason I’ve gotten anywhere in life is because of my attitude and energy.
Don’t be selfish and enjoy other people’s company
But that’s enough about me, I want to talk about you, specifically if you are “introverted.” You aren’t. You’re just weak. Not weak in any social pecking order sense, because that doesn’t matter. If you find yourself in a situation where there are loudmouths who want to display themselves as the “alpha” either because they peaked in their high school or college football days, or because they’re actively trying to be “alpha” then you might want to leave whatever setting you’re in. That situation is likely not worth the trouble you’re making of it. You should never have to impress someone with how loud and annoying you can be. You’re weak in that you are afraid of making yourself apart of other people’s lives because of the potential consequences. The fear of man is what gets you, and it inhibits any growth you would otherwise make if you were able to approach people, make yourself approachable to others, and did not care about what others might think of you.
I am not saying be belligerent and a sore thumb. I am not saying wear colorful clothes, dye your hair, and walk around with a bluetooth speaker blaring rap. What I am saying is, take care of yourself, acquire a style, have a way of talking that attracts people and doesn’t make them feel like they’re being bullshit, but most of all - whatever setting you’re in, whether it be a party, a jobsite, an office setting, or a grocery store, you need to love the person you’re talking to. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean fall in love with everybody you oblige yourself to speak to, but treat them as if they are you. Speak to them as if you care to be in their presence - because you do.
This becomes the issue with those who think purely Nietzschean. Everything for them becomes about some kind of selfish gain, and having that egomaniacal axiom is contrary to love. If you want to be a good person, to embody what it means to be a leader and a good man (or woman), you must approach people as your friend, because they are. When you treat others as yourself, a world of honesty and love opens up for you - that is if you see worth in yourself. Those who treat others like dirt, and seek to dominate others, do not really have a good view of themselves, and in turn, reject that shadow into the world around them. How do you see worth in yourself? Well, accept you are made in the image of God and he sacrificed His Son for your soul. If you don’t, you live in a world of darkness, and all that exists is fleeting, selfish gain. You do, and a path to righteousness is illuminated as you are faced with perpetual challenges to do right.
That means looking to others as if they are an extension of yourself. This means becoming comfortable with yourself in social situations, regardless of the context, and to not allow others to get to you. This is the issue with insecurity, because it is rooted in a dislike of the self. If you see others degrading you silently, what you do not realize is it is just your own perception of others that is skewed. Sure, some people are especially abrasive, irritating, domineering, etc. That is the world you live in, so you either take it as an affront to your path, or you take it as a loving person. I know people, specifically women, who can deal with different personality types well, and what I have found is you mustn’t turn different approaches to social situations as some attack on you, but a new opportunity to challenge your own abilities at relating to someone.
I am not saying to be naïve. Do not run into a situation assuming people have your best interests all times, or that giving a lovely, nice response will equate to endless opportunity. What you must take away from this is that without love, and carrying yourself as if you are worth talking to and being around, then you will never be more than a bystander. Doing what is right takes initiative. Being spiritually larger-than-life takes a way of carrying yourself, even if you are unprepared. Walking around as if others are stupid and you are smarter will have you stumbling time and time again. Likewise, groping around blindly looking for someone to toss pity unto you is equally a misinterpretation of how to act. Nothing impedes you from seeking help, asking stupid questions, or telling a goofy joke. People want the comfort, and increasingly get less of it in the modern world, so it is our disposition - as reactionaries - to take responsibility for being a spiritual force for good.
That’s why it is important to enjoy other people’s company, whether it is an old man telling war stories, or a fat, awkward cashier. Once you open yourself up to another person’s world, and bring yourself to empathize with them, you need fear nothing because all walks of life can come your way and they are instantly a friend. If they refuse you, then it is their loss. Be positive at all times. Embrace others. Embrace challenges. Never stay comfortable in a sedentary lifestyle.
Carrying yourself
One way to start is exactly as Jordan Peterson has repeated for years - stand up straight with your shoulders back. Likewise, look people in the eye, do not be afraid to make passing comments to people, or giving brief greetings to passersby. What do you have to lose in being present in others lives? We see so many faces, and have become numb to the feeling of community. Personally, I almost feel a sense of guilt for how disconnected we are from each other, emotionally. Increasingly, in modern society’s ethnic and cultural destratification, we no longer see others as individual souls that matter, but a glob of uninteresting, pleasure-seeking, selfish economic units.
I feel as if this is something many of us are afraid to accept - a responsibility to be lovers of humanity. We want to break down, to resent, to revolt, and yet the most powerful difference one can make that breaks down any political philosophy is the ability to love others and break them out of the modern world that they are chained to. Partly that means getting away from the internet, and immersing yourself into the real world more and more, and disconnecting from the comfort zone as much as possible, so that you can have that positive effect on others. You never know what you will say or do that will change someone’s life forever.
What it takes, though, is a certain mindset. You have to realize that you have a duty to be good, to be in others’ lives, but to not take the possible scorn and degradation of others personally. Because when you have a duty, it means you have an importance. However, you have more than a duty, you have a holy duty to spread love and charity, and it transcends any other. When push comes to shove, our petty, short-lived frustration can’t overpower our urge to do good, and that means standing up for others, giving to others, forgiving others, and prostrating yourself to them so that you may delight in the Kingdom in the end. This is why regardless of where you stumble or stutter, or regardless of what others do to spite, you have a power that others who refuse this duty don’t have. The power of confidence - true confidence.
Confidence is when you know how to walk up to someone, and not dehumanize them into a customer that you’re just selling to, nor characterizing them as lesser - as someone to take advantage of in some way. Rather, you must see them as someone to share with your fleeting terrestrial existence. In the modern world, everything is purely transactional, and we almost see our connections with others, especially in the world of business, specifically only for personal gain, directly or indirectly. It taints our worldview. If you have ever worked a job in marketing or sales, you will understand this mindset thoroughly. It degrades your perception of people. You see them as either a friend, an enemy, or a stranger/bystander. They no longer become important to you. Even your friends, in this transactional mindset, are just points on a scoreboard or drinking buddies to waste away with. Nothing wrong in the latter, as long as they are true friends, who will stick with you through thick and thin so long as you aren’t destroying yourself or them.
We are so dedicated to the culture of convenience and pleasure that the mere thought of sacrifice and spending money and time to take care of our elderly is passé. Let alone the idea of being a friend to stranger has become an integral wrongdoing to our culture. I will not downplay the lack of good that still exists in the world, because there is plenty of it, especially in America. However, it is still rare. Without an active sense of duty and self-importance, you will go nowhere. You don’t have a duty to yourself, though, nor your race or your nation. Your duty is to God, and without your actions to others reflecting what he wants you to do, you jeopardize your own soul. This is why I carry myself the way I do.
Once you detach yourself from your insecurities by allowing yourself to be embarrassed, you access a whole new social environment. When you set the tone of the room by loosening up a bit and getting people comfortable, you become likeable. Stop seeing social settings as a pecking order; an arena to dominate. That is not how the world works. When a threat comes, you take care of it. It is not something that should plague your mind. Rather, open yourself up to a world of challenges, and face them head-on fearlessly, and purposefully. Life is too short to worry what others think about you. More so, even - life is too short for you to be judging your own abilities, when in this short time, you are liable for a plethora of responsibilities. In a world of collapsing order and morality, be the friend to the beaten down, to the weary, to the normie.
That’s why I will stay persistent. Rally with your fellow based people, and spread Love and Hope. Don’t be afraid to intrude onto a conversation when the energy is right. Don’t impede yourself from making a new friend, or attracting a customer to your business. If all what you do is in the name of Good, then you will be an endless source of love for others. You will be magnetic. The world doesn’t stop for you to figure things out. Either you make what you want happen now, or become the recipient or onlooker of someone else who does it. I cannot stress how important it is to have self-confidence and to realize all it takes is a good attitude and a way of carrying yourself that opens an infinite amount of doors, regardless of who you are. Being oppressed by your own negativity will lead to your undoing. Being plagued by thoughts of doubt and insecurity will lead to depression and insanity.
Embarrass yourself. Walk outside, talk to people, and embarrass yourself. You’ll get more out of it than you think. That’s the issue, is we as a society have created artificial ideas of “cool” and “uncool.” Sorry, but all that matters is right and wrong, and if you cannot stand up and be the voice of love and goodness, then you will perpetually be the beta that you think you are.
In conclusion
So be likeable. When you are genuinely yourself, and know how to meet the energy of the room, how to not take anything too personally, how to deal with disagreement, how to adapt to any social setting, you will understand what it truly means to be confident. Opening up to others isn’t showing weakness. On the contrary - it is being so strong you aren’t afraid to reveal your faults, because there is nothing to lose in letting the world know that you can still triumph.
“Refuse to be average. Let your heart soar as high as it will.”
A.W. Tozer
I definitely need to interact more the modern atomized mindset is suffocating. Good article